Newsbreaks for Wednesday

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A Wisconsin man is recovering nicely one month after being so drunk he ran through a hotel window 16 stories above the ground. Joshua Hanson says he can't remember the fall, or hitting the asphalt-covered awning that saved his life. The 29-year-old tavern owner isn't planning on cutting back on the booze, but he does now believe that "somebody has a plan for me." Yes, Josh--that somebody is you, and the plan is: cirrhosis.

Media outlets are in a frenzy over a girl from St. Petersburg, Florida, who started hiccuping four weeks ago and still can't stop. 15-year-old Jennifer Mee has been interviewed by the Today show and Inside Edition, with Good Morning America and The Ellen DeGeneres Show yet to come. She's even working on an exercise video: "Jenny Mee's Ultimate Ab Workout."

Predictably, the teenager's fame is starting to generate a backlash. "I've been farting for 37 years and can't stop either," said a man who asked not to be identified. "I smell discrimination."

Another Wisconsin man broke into an apartment February 12, because he thought he heard a woman being raped. "Where is she? Where is she?" James Van Iveren demanded, waving a cavalry sabre at his terrified neighbor. It turned out to be a porn DVD. "I've been saying it for years," a policeman said. "These home-theater systems are a double-edged sword."

The neighbor's moving out. He's looking for an apartment over a guy who collects action figures.

And finally, a goalie for the University of Southern California hockey team waited for a slow moment in Monday's game against BYU, then dropped his pants and mooned the crowd. "I'm glad I didn't fall down," said Mike Meyer. "My butt was sweaty, and I was afraid I might stick."