Newsbreaks for Thursday

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A group of fishermen off the coast of New Zealand recently reeled in what is expected to be the largest squid ever caught. See, that's the thing about people like Barry Bonds--they're role models.

Ask yourself: what kind of message are we sending to our squids?

An English woman is claiming to be the mother of pop star Michael Jackson's three children. See, she obviously didn't think this through--that's like publicly admitting you had sex with Michael Jackson.

What's the old saying? Once, a philosopher, twice a pervert. What's three times? Brain damage?

Thursday, Vice President Dick Cheney made a rare visit to Australia. When asked to explain why the Vice President hasn't visited one of America's staunchest allies more often, an Austrailian official said, "As an island, Australia's ecosystem is particularly vulnerable, so we try to keep the most dangerous foreign species strictly controlled."

And finally, Buckingham Palace announced today that Prince Harry, son of Charles and Diana and third in line to the throne, will be deployed in Iraq. To give you some idea of how hazardous Harry's assignment is likely to be, the AP filed this story under "Entertainment."