Newsbreaks--2.8.07

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Forty-eight hours after love-struck astronaut Lisa Nowak was arrested for attempted murder, NASA pledged that it would revamp its psychological screening process. "For one thing," a NASA official said, "we'll take it more seriously when an astronaut gets a tattoo saying, 'Death from Above.'"

Wednesday, a man was accused of riding the ski lift at a Vermont resort in the nude. Bystanders also reported seeing him touching himself inappropriately. When police apprehended him, the man said, "Thanks for distracting me--now I have to start again."

A legislator from Brooklyn has proposed a law where anyone crossing the street while wearing an iPod, talking on a cell phone, or using a Blackberry would pay a $100 fine. This would supercede the current law, where cabbies are paid a bounty.

Days after Texas Governor Rick Perry signed an order mandating that schoolgirls be inoculated against the virus that causes cervical cancer, Republican lawmakers in that state are more determined than ever to fight. When asked why he opposed the vaccinations, a Republican lawmaker said, "I've always believed that there are some principles worth other people's dying for."

Southern Methodist University is still in an uproar over the proposed Bush Presidential Library. Opponents object to plans to house a conservative think-tank on the site, while supporters say, "Give us a break--we've got to fill the Library with something."

Scientists in Italy have discovered the remains of a 5,000-year-old couple that were buried together, clutched in a romantic embrace. Details of how the couple died are unclear, but police are looking for a prehistoric astronaut.