Newsbreaks for Wednesday

Audio version is here.

Archeologists in Ventura, CA, have discovered a pair of 130-year-old outhouses. They’re calling it a treasure-trove. So far they’ve unearthed a pistol, a knife, whiskey flasks, two dog skulls, and a set of false teeth. All I can say is, if that’s “treasure,” you guys would make really bad pirates.

Of course, we are talking about California. “Kids, look—according to this plaque, this McDonald’s has been here since 1963.”

My Mom loves to read plaques. That’s why she likes Europe so much—the plaques are more entertaining. You know what Europeans call a 130-year-old outhouse? “The outhouse.”

The archeologists say that the deeper they dig, the worse it smells. And the worst part is, they have to use those little trowels. They have get right down in it, that’s the Archeologist’s Code.

I can imagine one of them saying to the other, “Think the Holy Grail’s buried down here?”
“What?”
“I said, ‘Do you think the Holy Grail’s down here?’”
“Nah.”
“Then I’m breaking out the freakin’ dynamite.”