Newsbreaks for Wednesday

Audio version is here.

FDA officials are warning that young adults taking antidepressants face an increased risk of suicidal behavior. Now there’s a medicine! “Warning: taking this aspirin may cause severe migraines.”

Police nationwide are reporting a new phenomenon: flavored meth. Apparently dealers are cutting the drug with things like Strawberry Quick to make it more palatable. I knew there was something shady about him. He’ll even tat you up.

Suddenly he makes sense, too.

Here in LA, the dealers only sell low-carb, whole-grain meth. Used to be Atkins, but then a study said that wasn’t good for you.

Thousands of young mothers are gathering in the Philippines in an attempt to break the world’s record for simultaneous breast-feeding. Wow, all those bare bosoms—it’s like life imitates French TV.

Said one participant, “Even if we don’t set the record, we’ll still get the booby prize.”