Newsbreaks 5.14.07

Audio version is here.

One of America’s most distinguished urologists died over the weekend. John K. Lattimer’s time in the spotlight came in 1946, during the Nuremberg Trial. There he treated top-ranking Nazis, truly some of History’s biggest dicks.

In a speech Sunday, Pope Benedict XVI criticized both Marxism and capitalism. Look, Pope—if you’re into feudalism, don’t dance around it, just tell us.

Finally, the grandfather of an eighth-grader is suing the Chicago Public school district for a half-million dollars. Apparently a substitute teacher showed the gay-cowboy drama “Brokeback Mountain.” “It’s very important that my children not be exposed to this,” said the man. He plans to use the money to move his family to the planet Neptune.

I don’t that would even work. After all, Neptune’s right next to Uranus.