Newsbreaks for Wednesday

Audio version is here.

It appears that a 3-year-old boy is not being allowed to join his parents in the United States because his first name is similar to that of the founder of Hamas. “Hey, lay off,” officials at the US Department of Immigration said. “They all look alike to us.”

We need the War on Terror to be like D-Day, but instead Bush is running it like the DMV. Actually that’s not fair; an inept War on Terror actually kills people, but the DMV only makes you wish you were dead.

Still, I think it’s great that the toddler is being blocked. Children are our future, and it’s important that people start hating the US young, before they start liking the movies and video games and stuff.

The Soviets screwed it up. They waited until puberty. All throughout the Seventies, teenaged boys all over the Eastern Bloc were saying, “Oh man, I gotta get over that wall and go have sex with Farrah Fawcett-Majors.”