Newsbreaks for Tuesday

Audio version is here.

Every year here in California, the Marin-Sonoma County Fair holds a contest for the World’s Ugliest Dog. This seems pretty crazy, until you remember how much wine people must be drinking.

Here’s this year’s winner. Honest to God, it looks like something you’d cover with underwear.

He’s a 2-year-old mutt named “Elwood.” “But that’s not the only name he recognizes,” the dog’s owner, Karen Quigley, said. “He also responds to ‘Holy shit!’”

Elwood got $1000 for winning the contest. They would award more, but they don’t want to start causing reverse plastic surgery.”

Most of the contestants were the same breed: Chinese Cresteds. People aren’t sure why they’re so homely. One theory is that poison-conscious Emperors used them to induce vomiting.

I predict that this is only the beginning for Elwood. For one thing, the Troma brothers have just found their “Lassie.”

Ms. Quigley calls Elwood “the cutest thing I’ve ever seen.” Which begs the question. Can life get any easier for straight men?