Newsbreaks for Monday

Audio version is here.

British police announced today that they had smashed a global pedophile ring. Well, that’s a relief—the Global Pedophile was the creepy real-life inspiration for comics’ Green Lantern.

Child abuse stories are never pleasant, but the most disturbing thing about this one is that Canadians were involved. Sure, they seem nice…

A Japanese man has been certified by the Guinness Book of World Records as the oldest person alive. Tomoji Tanabe is 111, and clearly lovin’ every minute of it.

This photo is called, “Why Japanese people commit suicide.”

And finally, the Tennessee Aquarium says that they’ve hatched an extremely rare type of turtle. As this photo shows, this species is one of the few in the animal kingdom with an extreme attraction to money.

Don’t let him know your PIN number. He’ll rob you blind.