Newsbreaks for Wednesday

Audio version is here.

Text:
Heather Mills, the estranged ex of Paul McCartney, says she’s looking forward to appearing on ABC’s, “Dancing With the Stars.” Mills, who lost a leg in a 1993 motorcycle accident, said, “I was always game, but we had to convince the show to let me wear a caster.”

For a few hours last night, the U.S. Navy lost contact with one of its submarines operating off the coast of Florida. Officials were afraid that the USS San Juan was in trouble, but the sub reestablished contact early this morning. Strangely, everyone on board was smoking Cuban cigars.

The Israeli government has confirmed that it has recalled its ambassador to El Salvador, after he was found in the front yard of his residence drunk, naked, and bound in bondage gear. “We recalled him for two reasons,” an spokesperson said. “One, his actions were an embarrassment to the state of Israel, and two, we want to party with him.”

Federal health officials are now warning that prescription sleep medications like Ambien can sometimes cause sleep-driving. Or, as the like to call it, “The Chappaquiddick Effect.”

And finally, on a topic close to me heart: The American publishers of Harry Potter say that the final book in that series will have a first printing of 12 million copies. “This is so much more than the publishing of a book,” said a representative for Scholastic, “it’s an ecological event.”