So I went to see the X-Men movie...

...and was totally disappointed! None of my favorite ones were in it. I couldn't have been the only kid who loved "Lariat," the guy with the mammoth, prehensile penis. Or "Waft," the dorky dude who could turn into a mildly unpleasant smell. Him and Wolverine fighting would've been great comic relief. Or "Spurt"--remember Spurt, the guy who could empty his circulatory system at will? I guess I understand why they didn't use him; his was obviously a one-shot kind of skill. Still, I remember crying during the issue with the blood drive. "To Serve His Fellow Man."

And where was Sassy Silver, a/k/a "Chopper," who could crush walnuts without using her hands? She was Lariat's girlfriend, so I guess once they decided he wasn't in it, she wasn't either. There were so many great ones to choose from--Misapprehension, Tummler, Ennui--why did they stick with all the boring ones? I tell ya, audience testing is killing movies.