Has anybody else gone to Disneyland lately?

Uh, I don't know if there's been a shareholder revolt or something, but I have to say I was shocked to see that it's been turned into a shrine to H.P. Lovecraft. Where's Mickey? Where's Minnie? According to the guy on the tram, "all were driven insane after seeing things no mortal could withstand." For some reason, Pluto's still around, but now he's called "Yog-Sothoth." The "happiest place on Earth"? More like the crappiest.

I asked woman wearing a Disney badge, "Is this like a special thing for the 50th anniversary?" and she said, "No, it's permanent. Don't you love it?" I didn't like the look on her face, so I nodded yes and walked away quickly. At least I spoke English--a lot of the foreign people were confused; I can't tell you how many times I had to explain the difference between "the Deep Ones" and "the Old Ones." People from Red States were clearly put-off, and it scares the sh*t out of kids. And aren't kids what Disneyland is all about?

Not anymore. Now it's all about "mind-shattering terror" and "non-Euclidean geometry." The Matterhorn is now "The Mountains of Madness." "Pirates of the Caribbean" has been turned into "Callin' with C'thulu," starring Rick Moranis. Main Street has been transformed into Innsmouth, and every night at 7:30, "those who have interbred with the Deep Ones caper and cavort in an obscene parade." (We left long before that idiocy started.) People in freaky polyp costumes are always popping out at you, screaming "Cthulhu fhtagn!" I nearly hit one of them. The only good thing is that the "tentacle hats" are a lot cooler than those stupid mouse ears.

I could go on, but you get the picture. The whole place is incredibly depressing, and for children, pretty damn scary. Two thumbs down!