Newsbreaks 9.05.07 (Bush expose)

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As you may have heard, there’s a new book out that goes inside the Bush Presidency. It’s called “Colonscopy.” No, actually, it’s called, “Dead Certain,” which is inspired. Everybody will think it’s half-right.

The President granted the author unprecedented access to himself and his advisors. Cheney, Rice, Luthor, Bizarro, Manta Ray…

Bush said that, despite the pressure of being President, he feels he has to be strong. "I fully understand that the enemy watches me, the Iraqis are watching me, the troops watch me, and the people watch me," Bush said. We watch “30 Rock,” too, but you don’t see Tina Fey invading anybody. Maybe we should stop watching him, and see if that helps. It certainly would make us happier.

But, President Tough-Guy admitted, “I do tears.” That’s different from crying. Crying involves deep emotion, and the possibility of learning something. “Doing tears” is just a side-effect of Ambien.

Still, it’s nice to finally know what the President thinks he’s doing. You know—the strong, silent type. Like John Wayne. Or maybe Travis Bickle.