Newsbreaks 8.27.07 (Gonzales' departure)

For best viewing, allow the video to load completely. Audio version is here.

Attorney General Alberto Gonzales announced today that he’s resigning, effective September 17th. Mr. Gonzales said, quote, “I want to spend more time wiretapping my family.”

It’s not clear who will be the next Attorney General. I say it should be a computer. Introducing the Gonzales 9000—you just feed the Constitution in one end, and the machine does the exact opposite.

The pressure on Gonzales to resign has been relentless. I must’ve gotten five or six emails about it. When the Santa Monica Peace Party talks, Alberto Gonzales listens!

Democrats on the Hill are rejoicing. They say Gonzales’ resignation proves the system still works. And by “the System,” I mean, “the Bush Administration does whatever it wants, and Congress pretends it made them.”

But the Democrats know that the job isn’t over—now it’s time to really put the screws to the Administration. If things break just right, they hope to force President Bush to step down sometime after March, 2009.

I know, I shouldn’t be so hard on the Democrats. They’ve had a tough decade. But you know what they say: When the going gets tough, the tough indulge in meaningless symbolic grandstanding. Okay, okay—I’ll be nice. How about “transparently self-serving political triangulation”?

Don’t listen to me—today’s a happy day. First Rumsfeld, then Wolfowitz, then Rove, now Gonzales—this is more than just lame duck lethargy. This is a classic case of rats deserting a smirking shit.