Busy, busy!

Lots of stuff to put up today. First: if you've read one Dave Barry column, you've read them all, but this one talking about kids and newspapers was quite funny. Note to Dave: if you don't want your material to be used in classrooms, talk about 'golden showers." It's worked for me.



Carol Channing has revealed she is part black. Jesse Jackson is demanding an apology.



In the spirit of my list of the best humor books, Ed Park writes in with a few more funny books for your consideration:

"Diary of a Nobody," by George and Weedon Grossmith

"Afternoon Men," by Anthony Powell

"Dog of the South," by Charles Portis

"Amazons," by Cleo Birdwell (Don DeLillo).





And finally, in honor of Congress rolling over for Bush on Iraq, here's an excerpt from a 1933 speech given by Major General Smedley Butler, the MacArthur of the US Marines, whose honesty and devotion to his country--and not "super-nationalistic capitalism"--foiled a coup attempt in 1933.



"War is just a racket. A racket is best described, I believe, as something that is not what it seems to the majority of people. Only a small inside group knows what it is about. It is conducted for the benefit of the very few at the expense of the masses.



I believe in adequate defense at the coastline and nothing else. If a nation comes over here to fight, then we'll fight. The trouble with America is that when the dollar only earns 6 percent over here, then it gets restless and goes overseas to get 100 percent. Then the flag follows the dollar and the soldiers follow the flag.



I wouldn't go to war again as I have done to protect some lousy investment of the bankers. There are only two things we should fight for. One is the defense of our homes and the other is the Bill of Rights. War for any other reason is simply a racket.



There isn't a trick in the racketeering bag that the military gang is blind to. It has its "finger men" to point out enemies, its "muscle men" to destroy enemies, its "brain men" to plan war preparations, and a "Big Boss" Super-Nationalistic-Capitalism.



It may seem odd for me, a military man to adopt such a comparison. Truthfulness compels me to. I spent thirty- three years and four months in active military service as a member of this country's most agile military force, the Marine Corps. I served in all commissioned ranks from Second Lieutenant to Major-General. And during that period, I spent most of my time being a high class muscle- man for Big Business, for Wall Street and for the Bankers. In short, I was a racketeer, a gangster for capitalism.



I suspected I was just part of a racket at the time. Now I am sure of it. Like all the members of the military profession, I never had a thought of my own until I left the service. My mental faculties remained in suspended animation while I obeyed the orders of higher-ups. This is typical with everyone in the military service.



I helped make Mexico, especially Tampico, safe for American oil interests in 1914. I helped make Haiti and Cuba a decent place for the National City Bank boys to collect revenues in. I helped in the raping of half a dozen Central American republics for the benefits of Wall Street. The record of racketeering is long. I helped purify Nicaragua for the international banking house of Brown Brothers in 1909-1912. I brought light to the Dominican Republic for American sugar interests in 1916. In China I helped to see to it that Standard Oil went its way unmolested.



During those years, I had, as the boys in the back room would say, a swell racket. Looking back on it, I feel that I could have given Al Capone a few hints. The best he could do was to operate his racket in three districts. I operated on three continents."



Smedley, where are you when we need you?