St. Olaf vs. Carleton vs. Stutts

Carleton and St. Olaf's, two top-notch liberal arts colleges in Northfield, MN, are betting on wind power. Carleton built their windmill in 2004; in the best spirit of collegiate rivalry, it was only a matter of time before St. Olaf's did the same.

These two schools are not the first to erect their own windmills to provide power. That honor rather predictably goes to Stutts, the world's most prestigious university, based in Great Littleton, CT. Unfortunately, Stutts' mammoth, skyline-dominating project was taken off-line last May, after it was discovered that it was actually nuclear-powered.

Undeterred, Stutts has just announced a vast network of new power plants located all over the third world. "Each one is totally green," said Stutts President Patrick Manolo Rivington. "By 2020, we're hoping to employ the entire nation of Guinea-Bissau, even the children. Especially the children."

Called "Jobs for 50 Million," the new Stutts project has come under fire from human-rights groups. "Chaining poor people to bicycles is simply inhumane," said Gavin Matare of Nicer World. But Rivington is unapologetic. "We want a world where spinning classes aren't just a privilege of the rich."