Some stray news jokes....

Thursday, police in North Lauderdale, Florida, reported that a newborn wrapped in a plastic bag was tossed from a speeding car. The baby boy was wearing a t-shirt that said, “I survived Spring Break 2005.”

This week, German media reported that former Fuehrer Adolf Hitler is still receiving mail, even 60 years after his death. “Let this be a lesson to all you young people,” a spokesman said. “Twelve CDs for a penny may seem like a great deal, but…”

Just in time for Valentine’s Day, thousands of couples in the Philippines hope to set a new world record for Most People Kissing at One Time. They also hope to set the record for Biggest Transfer of Cooties.

Lawmakers in North Dakota are trying to pass legislation preventing the tradition of “the power hour”-- drinkers downing 21 shots in the first hour after they turn 21. “The human body can’t process that much alcohol safely,” said a spokesman, “so we’re lowering the drinking age to four.”

A Texas woman accused of giving her husband a lethal sherry enema says he was an alcoholic enema addict who did it to himself. “It was disgusting,” she said, “especially when he drank grasshoppers."