Friday, January 31, 2003

James Wolcott on George Lois

The latest issue of Vanity Fair--a magazine which always gives me the bizarre feeling that it's ashamed to be TOO interesting--has a neat profile of legendary ad man and art director George Lois. Lois' covers for Esquire in the Sixties should be required viewing for anybody interested in magazines (and Carol Polsgrove's history, "It Wasn't Pretty, Folks, But Didn't We Have Fun?" is also worth reading if you can find a copy). It's an excellent example of what "a magazine" used to be, and still is, at least in my dreams.



In addition to making many interesting points and illuminating a tiny corner of American culture which truly deserves it, the author, James Wolcott, excoriates current magazine culture for its wanness and vapid timidity (my adjectives, not his). I'm always up for a good excoriation, but predictably I have a quibble or two. Which I will now inflict upon thee.



Wolcott writes, "Although the audacious covers he designed for Esquire in the 60s and early 70s are lauded as one of the marathon achievements in magazine history, these testimonials are nothing but talk--magazines have never played it safer. Circulation soared during the Hayes-Lois years and dove when they left [in 1973, I think--MG] yet no one seems to have picked up the baton, or the hint...There are practical hitches [in doing that kind of magazine today] as Lois himself concedes. No editor worth his monogrammed stationery wants to forgo prerogative and strike the dream deal that Lois enjoyed with Hayes, who committed himself to run whatever cover Lois finally dropped on his desk, damn the primal screams of outraged advertisers and cranky subscribers."



Note the missing element in this equation: ownership. In Wolcott's version, it was Hayes' lack of ego and faith in Lois that allowed those spectacular covers to exist. And certainly that's true. But as we all know, the person who signs the checks has the final say. If memory serves, in the Sixties Esquire (now owned by Hearst) was owned by Alfred Gingold, the magazine's one-time Editor, who had been around since the magazine's unlikely, spectacular launch in 1933. If it wasn't Gingold, it was still Esquire's Founder, David Smart. Read: individuals, and ones prone to take the occasional gamble, not a mammoth corporation. Convincing one person a cover is appropriate is a hell of lot easier than convincing a board of people.



It's all well and good to suggest that the Sixties was an age when giants like Hayes and Lois walked the Earth, and today's creatives are just spineless, but that ain't what's going on, and Wolcott knows it. Magazines are owned by massive corporations now, with lots of fingers in lots of pies. There are advantages to this, mainly on the publishing side; but the big negative falls on editorial freedom: they perceive that they have much too much to lose, to give some (extremely transitory) creative person his/her head. And from their perspective, they're probably right. It's one thing to convince Alfred Gingold to put his ass on the line--it's another thing entirely to convince S.I. Newhouse to put all his assets on the line.



Separation of publishing and editorial--"church and state"--is a nice idea, but it doesn't really exist anymore, because corporations publish magazines for one goal alone: to make money. Furthermore, they're not convinced that provocative editorial content does that for them, so they don't want it. I'm not arguing against the logic, but if all EVERY magazine wants to do is make as much money as possible, we see the kind of lassitude and homogeneity that results. And if today's creatives are spineless, it's because the process by which people rise in the business relentlessly rewards that. Only those people whose idea of fun is naturally very close to an advertisers' will make the cut. Conventionality, proper respect for money and power, is rewarded at every turn. And that's perhaps why all of these editors have monogrammed stationery in the first place!



Later, when talking about the post-People necessity of putting a celeb on every cover, Wolcott writes, "Celebrity culture prevails only because it's invaded a vacuum--the battleground vacated by Norman Mailer's armies of the night." But they didn't leave--they were pushed! And continue to be so! Celebrity culture didn't start to dominate because people got tired of thinking, much as it benefits the "pushers" to say so--it rose because magazine owners believed that they could make more money if the content of their issues was apolitcal and ephemeral. And if you crank that out for a generation, very few people will have enough imagination to ask for something different, even if the business was flexible enough to give it to them. Which it isn't--mediocrity reinforces mediocrity.



Back to Esquire. By the mid-70s, after shrinking in size to save money--and, it was generally felt, weakening the impact of those gorgeous covers--Esquire was out of business. Then it was restarted (by a guy named Philip Moffitt, I believe), changed owners a bunch of times, and slowly morphed into the harmless, pleasant thing it is today. Back in magazine school I remember reading a quote that said Moffitt had a revelation when he discovered that an issue with Truman Capote in it didn't sell any better than one filled with cheap fluff. If the only point of this is to make money, the conclusion is obvious.



THAT was the change: a conscious decision to change magazines (at least in America) from a full-fledged, free-standing wing of the culture that sank or swam issue-to-issue on the quality of its material, to a fundamentally parasitical form that latches on to the dominant media (TV, Hollywood) to siphon off some money for its owners. Magazines like that had always existed--film star magazines, TV Guide--but after People, everything became based on the power of another medium. Why try to provoke and entertain month-to-month when celebrity is forever? Why pay for the best writers when a magazine with the right star on it will sell better anyway? Even if corporate ownership hadn't put the breaks on it, the entire reason for challenging editorial content disappeared in this paradigm shift.



Before you bring up The New Yorker, let's get clear that it's been a long time since that magazine has been viable in any conventional sense. So they made what, a million dollar profit last year? Even if that is an authentic profit and not simply shifted costs (another benefit of corporate ownership), spending many, many millions to make one is not something a normal business would tolerate. We're all pulling for them--me included--but The New Yorker is a prestigious toy. While I'm sincerely glad somebody will foot the bill, its recent vigor doesn't represent anything close to a renaissance in the gentle art of magazines. In fact, it may say that all the talent and interest left in the business can be summed up in one magazine.



It is true that other things--the speed of news, the decline of reading as a habit--helped this process along. Esquire simply couldn't dominate certain corners of the culture now as it did then, with its three-month lead time. But the fact remains that greedy people making short-term, cynical decisions, and not some baleful lack of talent, have made the American magazine business what it is today: a wasteland. What serious creative person wants to write filler between the ads? I'm afraid it will have to get a lot worse, before it gets any better--especially on the distribution end, the mega-corps have stacked the deck against any new way of doing things. (Do you have enough money to give a year's worth of free ads? And guarantee at least 250,000 readers? I thought not.) But from brain-drain to reader flight, I think the industry's wounds are mostly self-inflicted. I'd like to think that Harold Hayes, were he alive today, would agree.
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Thursday, January 30, 2003

Excellent bit of satire from ex-Python Terry Jones here.
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Wednesday, January 29, 2003

If the Gettysburg Address was done in Powerpoint

People say it's old, but it was new to me. Click here. Terrific.
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What IS it about these people?

And the early front-runner for the 2003 Kinsley Award for Outstanding Arrogance in Publishing is Deborah Treisman, current fiction editor of The New Yorker! There's a stimulating commentary by John Warner in the Dallas Morning News, where he discusses the recent statement by Treisman saying that they never read the slush pile anymore. She said, "Someone who’s submitting themselves directly to the fiction editor probably isn’t all that savvy about publishing and probably not about writing either."



Well...maybe. Warner calls the 32-year-old onto the carpet for this, saying that it is "complete and utter ignorant, elitist moose-shit". I cannot resist piling on--please set your Rant Shields on FULL.



Okay, first of all--literary agents, Treisman's stated bar for consideration--are fairly risk averse. They need to be, to make a living. Since the selling proposition is often, "New book X is just like previously successful book Y," there's a tremendous brake working on creativity out there. I speak as a person who had real difficulty getting an agent AFTER I had been in The New Yorker, The Atlantic, and The Wall Street Journal--that's how difficult it can be. Thanks to several factors working against written humor, I have never had an agent that was 100% convinced of my ability to connect with an audience. Even now, with Barry Trotter's copies-in-print well over 250,000 and rising, I suspect that will still be the case, because the success of one book won't change conventional wisdom. But the conventional wisdom is often wrong, and that is precisely what things like the slush pile, or self-publishing, or whatever you call what the guys from South Park did, exist to address. Being unagented is the writing equivalent of a seat-of-the-pants magazine start-up, and those success stories are too numerous to list.



In her defense, Treisman is only stating what has surely been a tacit policy for years and years--does anybody truly think that there was much slush-diving going on at Tina Brown's New Yorker? And perhaps the problem is what the New Yorker is today--a sort of perpetual victory lap for a certain subset of people (think highbrow but not too brainy; widely-known but not downmarket; people who think they are very smart packaged for those who aspire to join them someday).At the same time, The New Yorker is truly the only game in town for certain types of writing, and for others it is the main gateway to success. A short story in Tne New Yorker can lead to fat book contracts, movie deals, academic positions--it's the "all" in winner take all. This has increased the submissions, while the other factors have been steadily decreasing the variety of what's printed.



None of this is Treisman's fault, but at 32 she's old enough to know (I'm roughly her contemporary, 33) that such a comment is needlessly cruel and hacks at the authority of the magazine as an impartial arbiter of quality. The New Yorker has always relied on Manhattan's publishing culture to funnel things its way; but what would be so bad about retaining a group of college students (unpaid, of course) to read its slush? That way you could discover "unsavvy" writers as well as the next generation of editors.



But the fact is, New Yorker editors don't come from rough-and-tumble processes like that; they usually come from snooty colleges--where they learned the virtue of never appearing stupid, or gauche, or naive, in a million different discussions. (I speak from experience, in case you care.) In other words, how to protect your ass, intellectually speaking; this, too, favors the conventional wisdom. Of course it's not totally Ivied up--if you're from Manhattan, and can live with your parents or somehow otherwise solve the Satanic equation that $750+ a month for rent and $17,000 a year to start creates, then you might last long enough in the magazine biz to get a shot at the New Yorker, too. Which might be the worst thing that could happen to you, in terms of becoming the next Ross or Shawn: when you add a stifling layer of cultural prestige atop an Ivy brainwashing and/or a more or less comfortable upbringing in the epicenter of American snobbery, is it any wonder that New Yorker editors now consider going through the slush, well, beneath them? If you're not a name brand or championed by one, forget it. And if that's the case, is it any wonder that the conventional wisdom has the freest, richest media culture in the world in a strangehold?



What we're looking at is the intellectual equivalent of the gated community, the kind of calcification that is noticeably absent in institutions of real vitality, and omnipresent in ones on the decline. Inevitably there is freedom--risk-taking--while the magazine, or TV show, or publishing house, or newspaper, is building its name. (Eustace Tilley, for example, was created to fill space left by unsold ads.) But once they achieve the pinnacle, the doors close and it's private club time; snobbery replaces judgment, politicking replaces craft. It's rampant in fields which trade relatively subjective judgments for large sums of money and/or celebrity. Twas ever thus--but the closing of back doors like the slush pile, reflects an ugly entitlement on the rise in our culture at large. "I don't know you--you must be Audience. Get lost--your job is to BUY the magazine, not write for it."



Perhaps it's political correctness, or relativism, or the triumph of marketing and demographics, or corporate control of media (rather than idiosyncratic individuals like, oh, picking a name at random here: Harold Ross), but the current generation of gatekeepers reads the credentials first ("He's on the faculty at Harvard; how was I supposed to know he was a fool?"), relationship to sales second ("Hey, I know it's B-grade Perelman, but Woody Allen on the flap sells magazines!"), and then, finally, if one is very lucky, the work itself. This isn't really about Deborah Treisman--it's about what makes so much of what we see and hear and read, so forgettable. If you ever think, "Jeez, SNL could hire anybody they want--why is the show so hit-or-miss?" or "Why are most magazines so similar (and awful)?" that's why. Rewarding talent or spotting real quality isn't Job #1; it's Job #3, if that--after covering your ass and making the profit target. Deborah Treisman is no worse than any of her colleagues, and I'd like to think she's a lot better. But she was just silly enough to be honest. And perhaps I'm silly to think that no institution--not even one as storied and worthwhile and intermittently excellent as The New Yorker--can depend on conventional wisdom forever. If you call yourself the best magazine in America, proving it never stops: and that, to me, means reading the damn slush pile.



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Tuesday, January 28, 2003

There's a new book about the underground comix movement, reviewed in the Village Voice. As I've ventilated you all on this topic recently, I won't reiterate at length my preference for the old-time underground comix produced in the Sixties and early Seventies to the much blander, depressive and depressing alternative comics of today. Suffice to say that in my opinion, the freedom justified the bad taste. We need a lot more honest bad taste, not more quiet desperation--the world is a place of possibilities!
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Are they sure it wasn't the show?

Apparently ABC execs aren't going to allow liquor to be consumed on the set of Jimmy Kimmel's new talk show, after a female fan vomited too close to a Disney honcho. Here's the full story.

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Satire, UK-style

In England, there is satire about things other than celebrities. Some veterans of the late, lamented Establishment (for a few short years in the Sixties, the UK's version of Second City) did an hour-long mockumentary called "Iraq and a Hard Place," which you can read about (and download, if you have a fast connection). It's a bit schticky for my taste, but much smarter than anything I've seen over here. When was the last time you saw any mainstream comedy with an historical perspective?
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Here's an interesting, if skimmable, overview of controversy in the comics.



Also, Jason Meyer sends this link, a gallery of great subverted propanganda posters. Some of them are really funny.





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Monday, January 27, 2003

I always KNEW I liked Janeane Garofalo

She's opposing our hotheaded rush to war; and putting her career where her mouth is. Check it out.
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There's an interesting interview with the head of The Onion's excellent A/V section. Combining serious coverage with comedy content was a new idea in 1993 when they started doing it. (And was a primary feature of the "comedy Rolling Stone" I was pitching to magazine companies in Manhattan.) But the interesting thing would be to find out whether it came about organically, ie, "we like this stuff, so let's include it" or the craven publishing reasons I had, ie, "you could sell ads like crazy in this section without worrying about advertiser blowback." For those few of you who have never edited a humor magazine, advertisers are always calling and bitching about being next to the article about infants using heroin. Anyway, what makes The Onion's A/V section great is when it spotlights things that aren't in the current cultural moment. The quickest way to kill it would be become excessively hooked in to the NY/LA media machine, timing interviews to the release of "Terminator 3"....
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Trouble at the UCB

In haste: Matt Fogel sends this article regarding the closure of the UCB space on W. 22nd St in NYC, for building violations. They say it's too expensive to fix, and even if it weren't, they don't own the building anyway. There seems to be a lot of goodwill, but wouldn't it be nice if somebody who'd really made some dough in the comedy business swooped in and either (1) bought the building and fixed it or (2) simply fixed it? If the UCB is indeed the only place in NYC to see quality improv--and it was when I was there--and is feeding more and more people into the axis of NYC comedy (Conan, SNL, Letterman) you'd think that something could be done; a lot of people have made a lot of money from what's gone on there, and will continue to do so in the future--but only if something exists. Here's hopin', anyway.
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Friday, January 24, 2003

Terrorism: cause of misery or consequence of misery? Ashcroft and others grapple with it at the World Economic Forum. I had to smile at Ashcroft's saying, "`I'm not willing to say we have to downplay values we believe in to appease the terrorists." However, changing our values to appease our own government, that's okay. In other words, we can't give up the right of habeas corpus because terrorists force us to, but it's okay to give it up to keep them from "winning."



It's simple: the more freedom we have, the more goodwill we will be able to draw on, both among our own citizens and around the world. That's the single best bulwark against a threat as diffuse as terrorism. We must remember that terrorists are an extremely small group, and cannot change the world on their own; only we can do that for them, through fear or revenge or unintended consequences.



The blog will get less serious soon, I promise.
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Thursday, January 23, 2003

Jon Schwarz sends a joke:



"Mike,

As you know, I refrain from forwarding jokes via email, preferring to reserve my valuable email pestering quota [don't tell the President--MG] for diatribes about the US or Israeli governments. Still, I enjoyed this, which I'd never heard before, too much to control myself.



When NASA was preparing for the Apollo Project, it took the astronauts to a Navajo reservation in Arizona for training. One day, a Navajo elder and his son came across the space crew walking among the rocks.



The elder, who spoke only Navajo, asked a question. His son translated for the NASA people: 'What are these guys in the big suits doing?'



One of the astronauts said that they were practicing for a trip to the moon. When his son relayed this comment the Navajo elder got all excited and asked if it would be possible to give to the astronauts a message to deliver to the moon. Recognizing a promotional opportunity when he saw one, a NASA official accompanying the astronauts said, "Why certainly!" and told an underling to get a tape recorder.



The Navajo elder's comments into the microphone were brief. The NASA official asked the son if he would translate what his father had said. The son, laughing uproariously, refused to translate. So the NASA people took the tape to a nearby Navajo village and played it for other members of the tribe. They too laughed long and loudly but also refused to translate the elder's message to the moon.



Finally, an official government translator was summoned. After he finally stopped laughing the translator relayed the message 'Watch out for these assholes -- they have come to steal your land.'"

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More Politix!

A professor from Iowa is set to battle AT+T over the phrase "Freedom of Expression." He trademarked it, now they're using it in an ad campaign. Get the full story here. Spurred on by lawsuit-loving companies, the world of intellectual property law is getting crazier and crazier. But since it is, here's hoping that this professor can retire on AT+T's mistake--you know what they'd do if the situation were reversed.



Also, Jon Schwarz sends this link to Condi Rice's OpEd in today's Times. Like so much of this kind of thing, it makes sense if you don't read it too closely or think about it too much. Here are Jon's comments:



"Mike--

Here's the relevant quote:

'Iraq's declaration [to the United Nations] even resorted to unabashed plagiarism, with lengthy passages of United Nations reports copied word-for-word... and presented as original text.'



Dear god, are there NO DEPTHS to which these Iraqi monsters won't sink?



Also, I like how [later in the article] she mentions the warheads that were found, and then says, a million people could die! die! die! if Iraq used different warheads with a different chemical weapon. Too bad she didn't mention the millions who could die if Saddam develops the ability to shoot high powered laser beams out of his eyes."



My immediate thought was: she's saying that since Saddam could someday kill a million people, we ought to beat him to it. It's reductive, I know, and somebody should put a bullet through Saddam's head, I agree--but let's always keep in mind that war is an extremely blunt instrument; are we determined to destroy Iraq in order to save it? And the unspoken assumption throughout this whole farce has been that American lives are worth more than Iraqi ones. While that's very flattering to Americans like me, we shouldn't be surprised if that kind of attitude makes the rest of the world skeptical regarding our intentions.



And finally, a dose of sanity from the UK's Independent, courtesy of English political satirist Mark Steel. As I said to Editor Simon, who forwarded me the link, "That type of talk doesn't fly over here; Jon and I submitted it for ten years. The center has drifted so far right that mainstream publications think it's radical, and the radical outlets that remain (as small as they are) are so embattled that they feel they can't lessen the seriousness of their message one iota. And television...well, it equates Saddam with Britney Spears, and calls it 'satire.' It's not--one is (to use a phrase from Orianna Fallaci) one of "those bastards who decide our lives," and the other is a meaningless distraction made flesh to sell product."



Here's where I stand, at least today: Saddam's a brutal thug and should be removed. That's what the UN is for, or should be. One of the biggest reasons the United Nations can't, or won't, keep the peace is that since Reagan, the US hasn't been behind it. There are a bunch of reasons for this: our nativist/isolationist strain; the black helicopter crowd; and not least, raw political utility. US Presidents don't get a bounce when the UN rides to the rescue. And you could make a case for our keeping the UN weak precisely for conflicts like this one with Iraq: the winner gets all the oil. The man's got to go, but the protestors are right to suspect that Bush and his cronies are only interested in short-term, very personal gain. Does anybody really believe that a war with Iraq will diminish the threat of terrorism, in the short or long-term? Does anybody really believe that oil reserves aren't what's pushing us in Iraq while North Korea continues to froth? I despise the dishonesty, fuzzy thinking and paternalism--that's a clear and present danger, just as much as Saddam. No reasonable person thinks Saddam should stay, and the fact that reservations about the war are immediately categorized as being pro-Saddam shows just how debased we've allowed America's political discourse to become.



If we are set on being the world's policeman, and it seems that we are, then we must be just, or we will be punished for all the inequalities in the world, whether we created them or not. I, for one, am not looking forward to this. Working through a strong UN--becoming a full partner in international activities--will mean that sometimes, we won't get all of the pie--but it will also mean that we won't have to beat all comers from now until the Rapture to keep it. And does anybody else wonder if there's a connection between thinking Jesus is going to come any day now and go-it-aloneism? If we can just hold on until the ultimate Cavalry comes...It makes a certain twisted sense, doesn't it?



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Wednesday, January 22, 2003

Politix!

The New York Observer has an interesting interview with the Italian journalist Orianna Fallacci. Her new anti-Islam book is getting her death threats.



Also, Jon Schwarz forwards this great document from the past: Gore "Queer" Vidal vs. William F. "pro-crypto-Nazi" Buckley in a televised 1968 grudge match.



Here's Nat Hentoff on Bayard Rustin, the civil rights leader who is the subject of a great new documentary, "Brother Outsider." Rustin was a fascinating, soulful, essential man--somebody our country should truly be proud of, instead of the usual knuckleheads we honor--and you should make a point to see this documentary if you can. Also, WGBH's American Experience broadcast a heartbreaking documentary on the 1955 murder of Emmett Till.
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Tuesday, January 21, 2003

He entered, no doubt, to applause

Caricaturist Al Hirschfeld died yesterday at 99. Here's his obituary.



I must admit I'd always wanted to meet him, and pump him for stories of Groucho and Perelman. As well as being from St. Louis, he was also the last link to that era of humor that I love so much, the one born in the Twenties which died after the War. Ave atque vale, Al.



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Friday, January 17, 2003

"Blink twice if you were innocent"

The always fascinating magazine New Scientist has an interesting discussion of whether a guillotined head is alive for a bit. Verdict: yes, and it probably hurts like an mf.
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Thursday, January 16, 2003

Zookeeper on penguins: "We've Lost Control"

Penguin-lovers owe to themselves to check this out.
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Toupees save lives

My friend Antoine writes from France to say that he recently heard a story that charmed him. "Do you know what a lammergeyer is? It's a kind of Vulture, a big and very clever one. When a lammergayer finds a bone or shell that he cannot break, he takes his prey up into the air and drops it on a large rock to smash it open.



Very long ago, a starving lammergeyer decided to eat a turtle. But the turtle was having none of it, and drew herself into her shell. Our lammergeyer, very clever also, grabbed the turtle, flew into the air, and dropped it on a round stone. Which was in fact the bald skull of Aeschylus! The Greek poet died instantly."



My attitude is, we all have to die, so you might as well die an as entertaining a way as possible.

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Wednesday, January 15, 2003

A Blogucopia of News

Bloomsbury and Scholastic have announced the release date for Harry Potter 5--"Harry Potter and the Order of the Peni--I mean, Phoenix": June 21, 2003. Here's what Publisher's Lunch, a daily publishing email produced by my pal Michael Cader, has to say:

""Dumbledore lowered his hands and surveyed Harry through his half-moon glasses.



"'It is time,' he said 'for me to tell you what I should have told you five years ago, Harry. Please sit down. I am going to tell you everything.'"



Telling everything apparently requires over 255,000 words--fully a third longer than the mammoth Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire--as Scholastic and Bloomsbury announce a (Saturday) June 21 world English pub date for HARRY POTTER AND THE ORDER OF THE PHOENIX.



The book opens: "The hottest day of the summer so far was drawing to a close and a drowsy silence lay over the large, square houses of Privet Drive.....The only person left outside was a teenage boy who was lying flat on his back in a flowerbed outside number four."



Lighting farts is a priviledge, Harry, not a right, and somebody just stepped over the line.



Also, in more Harry Potter news, apparently Terry Gilliam was J.K. Rowling's first choice to direct the movies. You know, I'm liking her more and more. Anyway, there's an article about the beleagured-but-brilliant Gilliam in this week's Village Voice.



And finally, Barry's still slugging it out on the London Sunday Times bestseller list--it's slated to be #8 this Sunday...
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Tuesday, January 14, 2003

New Strong Bad

I don't always link to it, but this latest email to Strong Bad is pretty great. Also great is the "Everybody To The Limit" #1 summer jam. Look for it at www.homestarrunner.com.
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Monday, January 13, 2003

!Chicago, City of the Damned

Well, I got a request today for more ranting (go figure) and who am I to disappoint? However, I am down in the book-writing hole so deep that I simply haven't much to opine about. National Lampoon? Done it. SNL? Check. The state of American comedy? Christ, there aren't enough electrons in the world.



This evening, I did watch an interesting documentary on the early history of Chicago--"Chicago: City of the Century." (I am still wondering which century they are talking about. Nineteenth? Twentieth? Anyway...) Topics may come and go, but there's one thing that you can count on from PBS' American Experience series: they make you goddamn glad you live in the present! I wonder if future Americans with view our current trials with similar distaste: "They subjected themselves to cable news programming 24 hours a day. In such a harsh environment, most didn't survive."



Cholera epidemics, the 1871 fire, the practice of capitalism-as-a-deadly-weapon: There's a word for the early history of Chicago, and that word is "hair-raising." I thought maybe I'd come in at the wrong time, but apparently this has always been the anti-Paris, a city where the mechanism of modern life was left showing, and it takes a certain kind of callousness not to mind the eerie squeal of the pigs as they are slaughtered. I am looking forward--between splayed fingers--to tomorrow's segment. This is a brutal city, where the prices paid are clearly marked; that's perhaps why comedy thrives so well. It's New York without the softening of age or culture or interchange with Europe; Los Angeles seems to be another planet entirely. And I live here. Do I like it? I don't know if I'll ever find out for sure.
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Saturday, January 11, 2003

Jukebox Jury

Writing partner Jon Schwarz sent me the following:

"Go here and download the song 'You Don't Really Love Me.' ...You'll have to sign in with mp3.com but it is well, well, well worth your time. Perhaps my standards are falling, but I thought this was, in writing and execution, one of the greatest funny songs I've ever heard.



'I Wish I Could Fly' is also good, but not the work of near-genius that is 'You Don't Really Love Me.'"



I listened and liked it, but I leave it to you, Jukebox Jury.
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Friday, January 10, 2003

Response to my NatLamp screed...

My ramble on National Lampoon brought the following response from friend Garry Goodrow. As a member of The Committee in the late 60s, Garry was "present at the Creation" of Baby Boomer humor, so his thoughts on such stuff are always particularly interesting. Anyway, here's what Garry said:

"Matty Simmons, who was the owner and publisher of NatLamp in its glory years, had no idea what his youngsters were doing. He was mystified by their living arrangements and their attitudes, and all he knew was that the magazine was selling. Slowly, he came to believe that he had, somehow, something to do -- creatively! -- with its success.



After "Lemmings" [NatLamp's stage show, put together by Tony Hendra in 1973--MG] paid back his investment, and several stars from the magazine and the show had become famous, he moved to LA and became a movie producer. His first step was to buy a cowboy belt to go with his suit. That's what producers do: they put in money and then imagine that they did the work. In a way, they're right, because you can't do a magazine (or a movie) without money. But those of us who toil in the back room, where the "product" is actually produced, are very often satisfied with enough dough to pay the rent, while producers are typically aiming for world domination.



So: any new magazine (or any other theatrical venture) needs a backer with at least enough taste to trust the impulses of his "creative" staff. Entrepreneurs of that mettle are rare."



Now, me again. Matty comes in for a lot of crap from the old Lampooners--Beard famously called him "a stripper's agent," summing up the culture clash nicely--but one thing is for sure: at the beginning, he was the guy who believed in the venture and spent considerable money betting on the talents of Beard, Kenney, et al. And for that, Lampoon fans should be eternally grateful. Readers interested in the backstory of this are gleefully pointed to Tony Hendra's Going Too Far, as well as Simmons' own autobiography, Buy This Book Or We'll Shoot This Dog.

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Thursday, January 9, 2003

Britain's poet laureate on Iraq...

Britain's poet laureate, Andrew Motion, has written a poem expressing his concern that we are rushing into war. Here it is:



CAUSA BELLI by Andrew Motion

They read good books, and quote, but never learn

a language other than the scream of rocket-burn.

Our straighter talk is drowned but ironclad:

elections, money, empire, oil and Dad.



The poet makes some thoughtful points in this article.



By the way, anyone whose interest has been piqued by my incessant nattering about the glory days of the National Lampoon might be interested in this site. There's all sorts of Lampoon stuff there--bios of the main contributors, covers, et cetera, et cetera. Some things inspire an excess of devotion, and the early NatLamp is one of those things.

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Wednesday, January 8, 2003

A new National Lampoon magazine?

In something scientifically designed to drive me insane, the New York Observer has an article about Rugged Land publishing's recent attempts to resurrect National Lampoon as a print magazine. (Previous to this, they were planning to do everything BUT a magazine.) I'm dubious that Harvard Lampoon (which forced the 1998 shuttering of J2's dreadful version, bless them) will allow it to happen, but best of luck to Rugged Land. Anybody who knows them, feel free to give them my number; I'll talk their ear off.



I guffawed when I read what former Lampoon contributor Bruce McCall had to say about, as the article puts it, "whether there is room" in our present culture for a new Lampoon: "No. Emphatically no. You can’t get good people to bother with the laborious process of reading humor. It’s a really doomed cause. I can’t imagine anybody who would think this culture would want that. It’s doomed. It’s stupid." Now, there are several rather acid things I could say about this, but I'm sure Bruce is a lovely man, so I won't. However I will point out that this is a puzzling and worrisome thing for The New Yorker's most frequent contributor of humor to say. Not only does it suggest that "the people who read my stuff are not 'good people,'" whatever those are, imagine Roz Chast slagging cartooning the same way--it's bizarre.



While the total market for a national print humor magazine might be smaller for the reasons that McCall, Michael Gross, and Tony Hendra give--primarily because the rascally type of humor that the Lampoon did has percolated throughout our culture--it certainly exists. Reading humor is only laborious if you do it the way The New Yorker does, and pace Bruce McCall, that was never what the Lampoon was about. The opposite, in fact: Lampoon was graphic and hip and sexual and dark, nothing like Shawn's New Yorker (or Remnick's, for that matter). The New Yorker is "timid"--Spiegelman said it, not me--and the Lampoon's only reason for existence was and should be to defy timidity. Much of what the Lampoon published in 1970-75 would not only immediately rocket around the Internet today, it would do so without a word being changed. And anyway, I suspect the question McCall, Gross and Hendra are really answering is, "Would you be interested in running Lampoon?" to which "Christ, no!" is their only reasonable response. Or perhaps, "Are 55 year old men interested in reading a humor magazine along the lines of the old Lampoon?" to which "Double Christ, no!" is also acceptable.



Let's remember that the National Lampoon proceeded organically from the print parodies that were distributed on newsstands by the Harvard Lampoon in 1967, 68 and 69, plus the success of Bored of the Rings. I can personally assure anybody that print humor--and especially parody--does still sell, and if the Harvard boys and girls won't do it (and I can understand why; the time/money equation doesn't make sense), somebody should. To assert "parody news is the only form of print humor with a mass audience" is absurd. The same knuckleheads were telling me in 1996 that parody news wouldn't sell to a mass audience. The Onion has also demonstrated one publishing model that works--any new Lampoon would have to be more timely, and not rely on newsstand sales. Maybe it's on cheap stock. Maybe it's internet-driven. But until they got that right, it could support itself--as the old Lampoon did after 1980--very nicely with its forays into other media, with the magazine acting as a sort of "school." In other words, essentially mimicking what happened organically. I believe that if you can be funny on the page, you can be even funnier in other, more lucrative media. Yes, more people saw "Animal House" than read the January 1973 issue of NatLamp (or even the Yearbook parody), but let's remember that BOTH forms made money--and that the big money movies proceeded from the smaller money magazines.



The Rugged Land guys are right to say that there's a whole generation that can't get their stuff published--why do you think McSweeney's started? Because Eggers and Zev Borow and a bunch of other friends couldn't bust into Tina Brown's New Yorker. Over 200,000 copies in print, ever more foreign editions, and 15 weeks on the Sunday Times bestseller list later, I still can't believe I had to self-publish a parody of Harry Potter. If you relaunched Lampoon, and gave it the right environment, there would be plenty of good writers in it. (The situation with cartoonists is even more dire. It's basically The New Yorker, or nothing.) The difficult trick would be duplicating the "inmates-running-the-asylum" freedom of the original; Kenney, Beard, et al had absolute freedom to run whatever they wanted, and essentially couldn't be fired. What's changed in America ain't the need for a national humor magazine, nor the market for one; it's that corporations are much, much more nervous now--whether it's Harvard Lampoon trying to protect its brand, or the CEO of a resurrected National Lampoon worried about pissing off Time Warner because they've got a movie deal in the hopper, "so let's not run that article, okay?" Spy was only exhiliarating because it didn't give a fuck about pissing off the rich and powerful New York elite--whatever money it made or prominence it got or fond memories it generated, are because of that. But the founders couldn't sell it in the early 90's, and it nobody ever got a huge payday from it. You can't flip humor magazines like you can regular companies--and the original Lampooners only made money because their magazine sold like a mother--not because Conde Nast or Wenner bought them out.



So if NatLamp is to rise again, it will face an immediate battle for its soul--and unless these guys love comedy more than money, it will crash and burn no matter what the details are. Nothing good ever gets created if you sell out before you even start. But if they choose right, and love comedy more than money, not only might they get the money eventually anyway, that attitude just might spread. And that would be one hell of a legacy, wouldn't it?



Whew! Thanks for listening.
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Tuesday, January 7, 2003

The funniest Strong Bad email ever...

Oh, how I laughed.
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I laughed pretty hard at this exchange between the humor site Something Awful and a fan of the hardcore rap group Insane Clown Posse. (There's a lot of cyber-swearing, so be warned.)
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Life Among the Boxes

I emerge to point to an interesting article about NPR. I always wondered why my mom loves it so much, yet it always leaves me feeling like the new kid. This guy puts his finger on it.
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Sunday, January 5, 2003

Movin' hell

Folks, sorry I've been a little spotty lately--Kate and I are moving across the hall. I should be back to normal by Wednesday or so.



My next apartment is a suitcase. Honest.



Oh, and there's going to be a reality TV show with people from my high school, Oak Park and River Forest High School, outside Chicago. It's on the WB--"High School Reunion," I think it's called? I, for one, will be fascinated.
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Friday, January 3, 2003

Two-Fisted Comics

Mark Bazer sent along a story he found in the LA Weekly, about Harvey Kurtzman's pre-MAD masterpiece, Two-Fisted Tales. The story's been told much better elsewhere, but if you're not familiar with the stuff, it's worth a look.
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Thursday, January 2, 2003

Here's an interesting, if somewhat depressing article commenting on the perils of overconsumption. Did standard of living peak in the US in 1968. Ask your parents--certainly the music was better.



Of course, buying more and more copies of Barry Trotter until the Sun explodes is something everybody can get behind. It's currently at #5 on the London Sunday Times list--14 weeks and counting! Who woulda thunk it? When will Britain come to its senses?
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